Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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