I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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