Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
