so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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