filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
