I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
