I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
