life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
