i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
