What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
