Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sober January is a disaster.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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