I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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