New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
