my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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