the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
