But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jerry, you need to find god
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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