I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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