i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
