she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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