I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
