So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
