How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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