She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
