the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
