thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
