I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize