Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
