Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
