There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
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