you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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