I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
