A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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