I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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