her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
