mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
