Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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