Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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