Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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