Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
