did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
