Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
