I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
