I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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