haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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