I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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