My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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