This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
