One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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