he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
