Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
