remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
