I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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