We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
