ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
