Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize