I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
