He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
