He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
