Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
