I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
