OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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