I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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