I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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