I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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