i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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