last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
