my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
