New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
