Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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