Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
