I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
