Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
