Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
