Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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