After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
