Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
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I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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