do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
