So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
