Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wear drunk well.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
