I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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