im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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