I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
