Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
