There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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