my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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