I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
