you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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