My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
