He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
