This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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