um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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