Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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